This isn’t something I ever thought I’d write. The feminine-masculine discussion irritates me. It’s over-conceptualized and played out. Too many people talk about the ‘hyper masculinity’ of today’s world without bringing the discussion down to earth. It doesn’t make sense to vilify masculinity and—honestly—most feminist rhetoric is distracting and compensatory. The “soul sister” women’s empowerment stuff feels overkill imo and the movement to get men to “stop mansplaining” and whatever else is short-sighted and does more harm than good. To be clear, I say all that with affection. I was a super-educated feminist activist for a couple years and I’ve been involved in all different kinds of intentional women’s groups. Those phases got me to where I am now.
I find myself now feeling the most feminine I’ve ever felt in my life and it’s not what I thought it was. It’s wonderful and solid. It’s the most consistently confident and relaxed I’ve ever been. Knowing this experientially shows me how little I understood feminine energy before and it makes it clear how much we misunderstand the feminine as a society. My intention for this article is to describe what feminine feels like “from the inside” in order to reorient whatever conditioned stories you may have collected and—hopefully—give you access to something that feels like a bit of a hidden gem. This obviously applies to all people, not just women.
As you read this, take a suuuuper deep, suuuuuper slow breath and imagine being really old. You’re reminiscing on how beautiful your life has been. You’re proud of who you’ve been and who you are. The people in your life are fulfilled and grateful and wholehearted. You’re surrounded by love and wisdom and kindness. And you feel this deep conviction that things are right—everything is ok. There’s nothing that needs to be done or fixed or addressed. All you can see is the absolute inherent beauty and perfection in everything and everyone.
Can you feel this? When I do I feel my chest and my stomach relax. My eyes soften and I feel this pervasive, grounded confidence. It’s much different than the confidence I had for most of my life. It’s not loud or active. And it’s not relative to anything else. It’s simple and foundational. It’s generous and present. It comes with a naturally slow, deep breath and what feels like exponentially more bandwidth to share genuine love with others.
In others, feminine energy feels magnetic. You expand in their presence. You’re drawn to them because you can feel their relaxed, low-maintenance love and acceptance and support for you. They don’t need or expect anything from you. They’re present and lighthearted and real.
My favorite men have a ton of this. My favorite humans have a ton of this.
I’m still a tad reluctant to call this “feminine” energy instead of just “grounded” energy or “confidence”—but it honestly feels feminine. Motherly. Grandmotherly. It’s this chill, loving, real, uncomplicated, supportive presence—like nature.
How to tap into your feminine energy
Think of feminine energy like the foundation. It’s permanently there beneath everything—beneath your thoughts and opinions and experiences. It’s the ocean floor, not the waves. What’s cool about this is there’s never a lack of feminine energy. It’s always right there, beneath the surface. So if you feel scattered or mental or stressed or concerned, it’s because you’re surfing up on the waves. That doesn’t make the body of the ocean less present, it just means you’re not paying as much attention to it.
You can’t think your way there. It’s a feeling. Quiet your mind and chill tf out. There’s nothing to figure out or solve or fix. Slow down. Breathe. Feel gratitude and appreciation and love.
Feminine energy isn’t relative. Don’t compare your energy to anyone else’s. Don’t make stories about how masculine so-and-so is. (Just drop the whole masculine-feminine comparison entirely for the rest of your life matter of fact). Drop your thoughts and interpretations and biases. Feminine energy is beneath all that. And if you find yourself caught up in thoughts and comparisons, no worries. That’s the nature of feminine energy: it’s always right there. Available and supportive and loving and nonjudgmental and present.
Practice. Meditate. Look for excuses to soften into your feminine nature. Take advantage of catalysts that bring you up into the waves—use them to relax back into the water.
Photo credit goes to me #selfie