If The Thought Feels Bad, It’s Not Yours

When I’m annoyed or anxious or insecure, I feel like less of myself. I say stuff I don’t identify with. My thoughts don’t feel like me. I do compensatory things that make me cringe.

This feels a little taboo. I know I’m supposed to embrace every aspect of myself, even the negative. I know that in order to overcome something, we must first accept it—(not to mention “what you resist persists”)—but this just doesn’t feel like me. I don’t want to identify with this perspective. It feels corrupted. I feel like I’m only 30% here right now. I’m in my own way.

Circumstantially, everything is great. Just had a wonderful trip with my family to New York. I had good sleep, plenty of water. I’m sitting on my bed working on this writing project which has been impressively fulfilling. And for some reason I feel off. I feel a little edgy— like something could piss me off pretty easily. I feel kinda judgmental and stuck in my head. Like other people’s success would be more intimidating than inspiring. If someone bust into my room right now and said “Cory I just got invited to speak on a panel next month in Germany with Oprah and Obama!” I’d be jealous af and I’d have to fake a supportive reaction. And then I’d judge myself for being fake. And so would commence the downward spiral of a low vibration.

That’s total bullshit though. Real Cory would be excited as hell. I would be overboard supportive. I’d know that the more success I see around me, the more of an abundance of success I have in my life.

These funks used to be depressions for me. They would last months. I wouldn’t be able to remember feeling good in the past. I wouldn’t expect to feel good in the future. They were so convincing and blinding. What’s changed now is that I know better than to trust them. I know they’re not me.

For my birthday last year, one of my best friends, Chris Bentley surprised me with a month-long psychic class at the Boulder Psychic Institute— something neither of us knew anything about. One thing our teacher Miwa said that stuck with me was:

“If the thought feels bad, it’s not yours. You picked it up from someone else and it’s none of your business.” — Miwa Mack

That’s been useful for me during these phases. It’s good to know that whatever feels bad isn’t me. I’m temporarily seeing through a thicker, darker filter; a dirty ass pair of sunglasses that makes it hard to see the loveliness and possibility in everything around me. But still, I’m hijacked. I still have to endure it and wait it out. Kinda like someone whipping out their phone and being like “you wanna see the pics from my hike today?” Like obviously not but k here goes.

It’s nice to have permission not to identify with this cloudy filter. But how do I just take the dirty sunglasses off?

Bentinho Massaro is my role model numero uno and the founder of Trinfinity, the company I work for. And he’s one of my best friends. This guy is a master at just taking the sunglasses off. Or better yet, he sees the dirty sunglasses from a few feet away, appreciates them, extracts the learning he WOULD HAVE learned if he were to wear them, and then never lets them get near his face.

Fucking masterful.

He talks about there being two routes up: the stairs (gradually focusing on the next-best-feeling thought, and then the next, and then the next, until our mood improves along with them), and the elevator (just raising your emotional state directly).

I want the elevator.

…Oh shit. I just said I want the elevator. But whenever I’m in a mediocre mood; whenever I’m on a “low floor,” I get all analytical and curious. I write about it and talk to people about it. I try to figure out how I got to this lower state.

DUUUUUUDE. This reminds me of this quote that’s been in my mind recently:

“No matter what the issue is, don’t try to justify why you don’t feel good. And don’t try to justify why you should feel differently. Don’t try to blame whatever it is you think the reason is that’s keeping you from feeling good. All of that is wasted effort. Just try to feel better right now.” — Abraham Hicks

Whoa. Called myself out in real time right there. Figuring out WHY I feel off has been too much of a focal point. It’s seductive. It’s like, if I can figure out why I feel grouchy, then I’ll be able to learn to intercept it before it happens in the future, and I’ll have transcended it. But that’s just investing more energy into something I don’t want. “Energy flows where attention goes…”

But Jesus omg how did I overlook this. This directly contradicts 3 of my favorite quotes that I spout off to anyone who’ll listen. These three quotes are saying the same thing in different words, by Socrates, Buckminster Fuller and Einstein respectively:

“The secret to change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” — Socrates

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” — Buckminster Fuller

“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” —Einstein

!!!!!! Dude!

I’ve been hitting a low mood and then busting my ass to figure out why:

  • What got me here?
  • What’s my limiting belief?
  • What’s my out-of-alignment perspective?
  • What am I doing wrong?

Which is using the same kind of thinking that created that state to begin with. It’s focusing on the problem instead of on the feeling I want next.

Instead I’ll start replacing those questions with questions like these:

  • What do I love most about right now?
  • What am I grateful for?
  • What’s something I’m proud of myself for?
  • What sounds energizing or exciting?

Ok do y’all notice how I’m connecting more dots now? Do you notice how suddenly, clarity and enthusiasm are flowing in? This is so tangible for me. I feel like I’m at 80% or 90% now.

I’m curious (answer in the comments if you want): do you feel it too? Can you tell that I am now more filled with life than I was at the beginning of this post? Can you feel that there’s more Cory here now than there was before?

That was fast. 


I was going to end it right there but I just read back through it before publishing and something else just popped up:

From this better mood, from this higher state, this stuff is all suddenly pretty obvious.

It’s only from the lower, funkier state that I’m confused and trying to figure it out. It’s only from a more pessimistic state of being that I feel somewhat victimized by my negative experience. Once I’m out of it though, it’s like ‘yeah dude duh. you’ve learned this a trillion times.’

Interesting how blinding the lower states are. They’re sticky and they lure you in and convince you of their legitimacy. They pose meaningless questions and convince you that you must find the answers in order to feel better. They make you doubt the optimism and doubtlessness you had when you felt clearer and more aligned and more yourself.

I’d like to be able to throw down a ladder from here to my lower self. I’d like to get more efficient, from a lower state, at remembering to surrender when I’m stuck in a rut. 

Seed: planted.


Picture taken again by my brilliant hilarious beautiful charming sister Jamie : )

25 thoughts on “If The Thought Feels Bad, It’s Not Yours

  1. Well this is a remarkable thing to watch unfold as you pound out your ideas and experiences for the rest of us to relate to and reflect on. It’s so great for me to get your ideas packaged like this–it’s very useful AND I really enjoy how you write and what you pick to focus on. It’s accessible. Love you ludicrously.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  2. Now that is my favorite post yet and it because it describes what I do much too often!!! Not only do I think you felt better afterwards but so did I. I related to what you were feeling like in the beginning and I lifted my vibration right along with you as you “remembered” your true Cory self! Thanks you precious lady!

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  3. Boo this resonated with me on another level! As someone who has an up close and personal relationship with depression and those negative thoughts that do not align with who I am and who I want to be I appreciate you walking the world through your process so much. Amazing Cory! Thank you!

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    1. Alexis!!!!! I am so happy this resonated for you. This makes it all a little more worth it you know. Thanks for the comment. Love you

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  4. Thank you for doing this, Cory! It s amazing how we seem to be going through the same thing and you are giving it a voice in such a helpful way. It feels like having a friend next to me. So awesome ❤❤

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    1. your comments have been so genuine and energizing. I appreciate it more than you know! I also feel like I have a friend next to me.

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  5. Cory-
    These posts just keep getting better and better. This one is so relatable to really anyone going through a not so great life phase. I love it, you rock!

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    1. Erica!!! Haircut!! This made my day I love to know this was useful for you. I love knowing you’re reading. Thanks for the comment. You rock.

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  6. #1 sorry not sorry for ever showing you pics of any hike ever because I take DOPE pics

    #2 I just read this four times. The stream of consciousness was so fun I had to do it again. I like this stairs vs elevator metaphor. By questioning WHY we’re in a funk, we’re already conceding that we’re not the happiest version of ourselves and at best we’re stuck with our foot out, waiting for the next step (at worst, we fall down some stairs). The elevator mindset is more about deciding to shut down the self-doubt or the analytics and JUST ACT LIKE THE HAPPIEST VERSION OF YOURSELF ANYWAY – effectively calling the elevator to your floor so you can ride it up. Anyway, I think you nailed it. I have not always found and do not always find it easy to get on the elevator. Self-doubt is the most terrifying and pervasive problem in my life. But this imagery helps.

    #3 you might like Psycho Cybernetics – original by Maxwell Maltz in 1960 but there’s a “new” version from early 2000s. All about positive thinking & visualization 🙂

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    1. HAHA You’re an exception. You have aesthetic discernment and I know you’re not going to swipe through 30 almost identical shots of the same subject from the same angle. lmao too funny you’re the only one who responded to that point.

      You surprised me with “self-doubt is the most terrifying and pervasive problem in my life” … you??????? I’m getting inspired for my next post…

      I’ll check out Psycho Cybernetics ❤

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  7. Isn’t it useful tho try to understand what brought you in a low state?
    Everyone makes errors, understand those errors makes you think about a solution to not repeat them again.
    When you have an answer to that, you can focus on what you’ve learned, ok, but the struggle is when you are not able to find a solution, that might make the idea of that error appear again stick on you.
    (Correct me if I misunderstood in this last bit) Dismiss the current state and just-feel-good-now can work, but keeping dismiss the problem wouldn’t make it only worse when (and if) the problem reappear over and over in the same way?

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  8. Hi Cory,
    I was reading this post feeling a little down. And near the end when you posed the question ‘Do you notice how suddenly clarity and enthusiasm are flowing in?’ I took a moment and realized my dark cloud and wrenched feeling had almost totally faded away 😀
    Thanks for these insights and immediate effect your words had on me.
    🙏

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  9. Second post of yours I’ve read. Great post. I love how the process of writing showed you a mirror to your thinking in the lower vibration. I can so related to this. Constantly trying to figure things out mentally. And I can so relate to not needing to do that when feeling good, and knowing I don’t need to do that, and then immediately doing it when feeling “bad”. Again, good shit, Cory. Keep it up.

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  10. Thank Thank thank you Cory. I was in a deep negetive thinking state this morning. I saw your post on Facebook and found this related post. So glad I did! Reading it helped me to see clearly where I was going and how often this has happened before. I then followed the breadcrum trail of raising my vibration. It worked very quickly. I clearly knew that these thoughts were “Not me”. I have been following Benthino’s work for over a year now and working through Thrinfinity Academy slowly. I love all that you are doing at Thrinfinity. Blessings to you

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  11. This is all too familiar! Thanks for sharing your process in real time. Really cool. It very much reminds me of times I’ve written myself out of low states. I used to do it much more often before I had kids. 😉 But there’s something about writing your emotions out that is magic. Maybe for others its a different medium. Anyway, so much gold! I totally felt your vibes rising. And I have to say that your writing ability itself doesn’t really diminish when you’re low. Maybe it’s more raw and unpolished, but it still reads natural and intelligent af, and flows brilliantly. Keep writing! ❤

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  12. Cory, thank you for writing this! I am going to go back and re-read it 5 more times because WOW so many things just sparked within me to let the shit go….and I am grateful to have bumped into your world on the interwebs. Love your writings!

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