Just Fucking Start


I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. And this is intimidating and I’m not ready.

But I keep thinking one day I’ll feel ready, one day I’ll have eliminated all of the risks; I’ll see the path laid neatly out in front of me and I’ll be able to confidently strut out there, reach my potential and positively impact the lives of millions. Two years later I realize there’s something wrong with my approach.

My biggest passion—what I’m good at and what I love—is figuring out how to get the best out of people. And while I understand it from almost all sides, I haven’t embodied it. I’m spending more time thinking about it than integrating it. I can only get the best out of myself sometimes, and I haven’t figured out how to do it consistently. I still get triggered or frustrated or feel insecure or confused. I’m not yet a living example of the change I want to see in the world. 

And I’ve held myself back by this belief that I should be a master before I start teaching it or talking about it. I have to have already proven it and embodied in order to be credible and worthwhile. But that’s a bit of a paradox isn’t it? We know that the best way to learn something is to teach it. So if I really want to master this, I have to start sharing it, diving into it, talking about what I DO know. For the water to flow, the faucet’s gotta be turned on. 

So I’m done getting ready. I’m done gathering information and thinking about things. I’m jumping in, taking a risk and going for it. As Brené Brown says in her book Daring Greatly,

“Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be—a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation—with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.”

Game the fuck on!

I just watched this Gary Vaynerchuk video and about 4 minutes in here’s what he said:

I think it’s much smarter for you to talk to the world about your process of going through this, than the advice you think you should be giving them. And that’s where most people are struggling… There’s a lot of people, who if they talked about the journey of the climb, could win. I think it’s the best piece of advice I could give right now to a bunch of 20-to 30-year olds that feel they should be talking to the world and bringing value: Talk about your journey of trying to find that voice and synthesize it properly.”

Here’s some more inspiration that got me to this point: 

  • I can’t not do this. I have a gift to give the world and I won’t settle until I can give it. Buckminster Fuller said, “Everyone has the perfect gift to give the world — and if each of us is freed up to give the gift that is uniquely ours to give, the world will be in total harmony.”  This is me freeing myself up to give that gift.
  • I’ve been gathering information about human optimization for too long. I get it, but I don’t embody it completely yet. My dad, a basketball shooting coach, told me that he probably knows more about the mechanics of shooting than Michael Jordan, but who cares, because Michael Jordan can shoot way better than him. My dad’s a better teacher and understands the mechanics better, but that doesn’t give him mastery. I want to walk the talk. I’ve got the expertise, now I want mastery.
  • Guidance comes in the form of excitement, inspiration and joy. Trust what feels good. Bentinho Massaro said, “Whatever excites you the most is the best thing to do; whatever brings you the most joy is the most selfless way to go. If you want to be of the most service, do what you enjoy most. This is how creation guides all of its parts into perfect harmony with each other: Joy. So follow it. It is your highest guidance mechanism.”
  • Fear is like a sign pointing in the direction of freedom. I’m scared to do this. I’m not ready. I’m anxious. Bentinho Massaro says “Anxiety is just excitement filtered through lack.” Fear = lack. Excitement = freedom. (And to be totally honest, I’m already feeling the freedom. This feels surprisingly good. The fear is quieter and the excitement is amping up!)
  • I hung out with my ex (who is one of my best friends) last week in New Orleans and on our last night he gave me a pretty brutal (but much needed) call out. We’d had a few drinks so I’m sure there were some good points he made that I forgot, but what stuck was the point he made about the distance between my current state and my potential: basically, he said that I was underachieving; going with the flow instead of commanding my life. He’s right. I feel like I’m operating at about 1% of my potential. Thanks for that, Forrest.
  • I’ve felt the need to activate myself now for.. years. It’s the thing for me; the lesson that I’ve been on a mission to learn since I was a kid. I remember wishing I could be my own God; my own dictator. I knew everything I wanted myself to do, I just couldn’t get myself to do it, or at least continue to do it after the excitement wore off. I think most folks can relate to this. We’re all trying to get the best out of ourselves. Most of us want to be more aligned, more motivated, more productive, more consistent. We can imagine how well things could be going if only we could control ourselves, and we’re aware of the difference between our best selves and our current selves. For me it can be excruciating depending on my perspective.

My commitment: 

  • I’m committing to 100 posts between now and the end of the year, December 31 2016. That’s 100 posts in about 130 days.
  • Each post will have some sort of media (video, art, photography, audio…) with text.
  • In my next post I’ll outline my intended approach to this blog.

I’m going to reach my potential and you’re invited to come with ; )

20 thoughts on “Just Fucking Start

  1. Wowow that provoke a lot to think+Not sleeping night = long comment to enrich the blog.

    As a ametur contact dancer in barcelona and a contact teacher in my small town i corroborate the sentence: go even thinking not ready go. There is always something to give to somebody lacked of it. Never ready as never a destiny to stop, alive means live, a flow, everything is ephemeral.

    Speak about my livings aware of syntetize. I share this view. Actually we always talk about us even not talking about our live. I mean we always comunicate how is our reality: complaining, comprehensive, questioning, speaking all time about me, listening…

    Im glad u decided to give your gifts.

    I’m on flow going too. Same dessire to drive my live arises often. Alert! Thinking only makes “mind” be the commander. U mentioned “joy” and i add “silence” and “body”. Alert 2! Live is alive, movement, grow, what about fixed goals? To decide in a mind,joy,silence,body assembly. Flow and achive.

    When feel excruciating i just drop all false believings. We come and go to the earth. We are just living a time with a body and a scenario which brings certain desires, fears… After zoom out, rebuid the puzzle whithout lament (which makes a big diference)

    And i say to myself
    “walk the talk”
    “Trust the feels good”
    “Fear points freedom”

    Nice article. Thank you. Have a full path.
    See you soon!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I caught the gist of what you mean here. Thank you Enric. I’m excited to see you soon and talk ❤
      LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Like

  2. Wowow that provoke a lot to think! Thats a great gift!

    As a ametur contact dancer in barcelona and a contact teacher in my small town i corroborate the sentence: go even thinking not ready go. There is always something to give to somebody lacked of it. One is never fully ready as there is never a destiny to stop, alive means live, a flow.

    “Speak about my livings aware of syntetize.” I do share this view. Actually we always talk about us even not talking about us. I mean, we always comunicate how is our reality: complaining, comprehensive, questioning, speaking all time about me or listening…

    I’m “on flow” going too. The dessire to drive my live arises often. Alert! Thinking only makes “mind” be the commander. U mentioned “joy” and i add “silence” and “body”. Alert 2! Live is alive, movement, grow, what about fixed goals? To decide in a mind,joy,silence,body assembly. Flow and achive.

    When I feel excruciating I just drop all false believings. We come and go to the earth. We are just living a time with a body and a scenario which brings certain desires, fears… After zoom out, rebuid the puzzle honestly and whithout lament (which makes a big diference)

    And i say to myself
    “walk the talk”
    “Trust the feels good”
    “Fear points freedom”

    Nice to share about such topics! Have a nice path Cory!!
    See you soon in Boulder!

    Like

  3. A total stranger writes that you haven’t a chance of making a difference. Apparently he/she was interested enough to read your whole blog!! Hater, maybe..insecure unhappy person..definitely. Jealous that you are inspired to make a difference and actively searching for that within yourself…totally. That is the person that will be back to read more! See..you are making a difference already. Keep it up Cor.. can’t wait to read the next chapter.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great to see other authentic self-starters! I began sharing my own journey a few months ago and felt that just sharing the PROCESS was exactly what the world needs right now. People who have an epic vision for themselves and they’re just starting, but they KNOW they are becoming more of who they truly are and are willing enough to trust the process as it unfolds. Looking forward to seeing more candid, this-is-what’s-real-for-me-now posts and videos. (I create content about my journey from imagineering ecstatic experiences to being able to energetically design+manifest consciousness technologies. Transformation through presencing with who you are and what you want to feel in the moment.) Nice to see positively reaffirming reflections such as you! 😊😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Cory. As I perceive you, you already radiate freedom, passion and inspiration, just as you are! That is the sensed energy, the energy of already full blown potential!

    I also recognize the beauty of wanting that to express that fully, but in the meantime, consider that the veil of ‘not living it yet’, is just a veil. It is also drive, it is ‘moving forward,’ becoming, passion into more balance and that is superb.

    The words and feelings that you express as I see it are a catalyst to move on, so use it wisely and be passionate about the journey and exploration. I just wanted you to know that the full blast that you want to reach is recognized already in my system! In fact, you could shoot a video where you are in doubt and fear, where you are complaining (lol!) and totally depressed. But even that would not veil the energy you are emanating in such a brilliant way.

    What I write is not the spiritual concept that all is already well (I do realize that it can look that way) but it isn’t. I speak from my (our One) heart ❤

    Your beloved poepgat ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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